Author: Scofflaw

Posted: Tue Mar 26, 2013 9:48 pm

Romeo wrote:

I crushed my ankles by falling out of a tree (not quite as glamorous as a bad ass motorcycle accident, but it’s the best I could do. ),.

Ha ha that is funny, I guess it doesnt really matter what it is that brought us to this point in life, but here we are none the less. Mine sure wasnt very glamourous, in short, I’m flyin down the road on my bike and a couple of girls are walking by me on the sidewalk. As I pass them I turn my head to check out the caboose ya’know …and when I turned my head again, a car was stopping right in front of me. I had to lay it down or I would have been a passenger in the back seat of the car via crashing through the back window
I learned my lesson. Haven’t ridden since.

Author: Scofflaw

Posted: Tue Mar 26, 2013 9:48 pm

Romeo wrote:

I crushed my ankles by falling out of a tree (not quite as glamorous as a bad ass motorcycle accident, but it’s the best I could do. ),.

Ha ha that is funny, I guess it doesnt really matter what it is that brought us to this point in life, but here we are none the less. Mine sure wasnt very glamourous, in short, I’m flyin down the road on my bike and a couple of girls are walking by me on the sidewalk. As I pass them I turn my head to check out the caboose ya’know …and when I turned my head again, a car was stopping right in front of me. I had to lay it down or I would have been a passenger in the back seat of the car via crashing through the back window
I learned my lesson. Haven’t ridden since.

Author: Untitled

Posted: Tue Mar 26, 2013 10:36 pm

I don’t know why I’m posting because I don’t know that anyone can offer insight to my situation.

I went for my appointment today. The blood panel showed a few things that didn’t surprise me much. The source of my pain is evident. Some issues I was unaware of, but what really surprised me was, I was told it appears I have sleep apnea. I’m going to be tested, but the doc wouldn’t prescribe sub because of the associated respiratory depression.

WHAT?!?! I have debated this internally to my core, only to be told "no go"? I am basically opiate naive at this point. I don’t believe the good doc would have written sub if I had told him, thank you for your time. I am leaving to eat loads of hydros now.

Does anyone have sleep apnea, take benzos and opiate naive wanting to get on sub? Am I the only freak in my boat? Wouldn’t surprise me.

I have no fear taking full agonists. What is the difference? I am frustrated and feel like my every effort to get myself right has gone completely wrong. I am lost. Maybe that would have been a better name for me.

As I am typing this, a turn to help commercial came on.

Those actors seemed normal. I don’t relate. My sister was on sub after methadone and jumped off sub successfully (but no walk in the park) and has been clean 7 years. She doesn’t know what to tell me and she’s so removed and anti-opiate (good on her, I am proud). I don’t talk to her about it much because she has the attitude "if I could do it anyone can" and I LOVE HER STRENGTH…but not much guidance there. I am exhausted.

Un

Author: Untitled

Posted: Tue Mar 26, 2013 10:36 pm

I don’t know why I’m posting because I don’t know that anyone can offer insight to my situation.

I went for my appointment today. The blood panel showed a few things that didn’t surprise me much. The source of my pain is evident. Some issues I was unaware of, but what really surprised me was, I was told it appears I have sleep apnea. I’m going to be tested, but the doc wouldn’t prescribe sub because of the associated respiratory depression.

WHAT?!?! I have debated this internally to my core, only to be told "no go"? I am basically opiate naive at this point. I don’t believe the good doc would have written sub if I had told him, thank you for your time. I am leaving to eat loads of hydros now.

Does anyone have sleep apnea, take benzos and opiate naive wanting to get on sub? Am I the only freak in my boat? Wouldn’t surprise me.

I have no fear taking full agonists. What is the difference? I am frustrated and feel like my every effort to get myself right has gone completely wrong. I am lost. Maybe that would have been a better name for me.

As I am typing this, a turn to help commercial came on.

Those actors seemed normal. I don’t relate. My sister was on sub after methadone and jumped off sub successfully (but no walk in the park) and has been clean 7 years. She doesn’t know what to tell me and she’s so removed and anti-opiate (good on her, I am proud). I don’t talk to her about it much because she has the attitude "if I could do it anyone can" and I LOVE HER STRENGTH…but not much guidance there. I am exhausted.

Un

Author: Jennicole525

Posted: Mon Mar 25, 2013 4:57 pm

Mycovery- thank you, it’s a pleasure. This thread here is for smiles & laughter, feelings & support to anyone. Life’s not all that bad if you give it a chance.

I’m freakin WIPED!!!!
Sorry I couldn’t get on last night. I had to be up at 3am to get to work @ 4am for a 12 hr shift. I wanted to post so badly how I was feeling about going back to work. I had the craziest butterflies in my stomach all evening long!! Haven’t felt that since I was a youngin!!

Luckily, today was pretty quiet. Knock on wood. (We NEVER say that out loud. It means drinks and dinner on you! ) We only had to take off once for an accident. Everything was SO surreal. Upon arrival at the scene and observing what exactly we were about to get into, I said to myself, "How the f*ck did i end up doing THIS for a career!?"LOL. —although I know all too well why I did— I almost had a panic attack when the scanner went off and coded there was someone that needed to be airlifted. Once we got up in the air I thought i was going to throw up and pass out. Before, I would of been going crazy with the boys getting amped up. Shit, I would of strapped on a parachute and jumped out if I could of! Not today. I just sat there in silence! "Q" asked me, "are you okay, Jen?" I told him fine, I was just tired, *fake smile*

I was on maternity leave….Nobody knew what I was going through. (Even though there are MANY of us in the same boat in healthcare, I’m not alone, trust me) There’s no way in hell that I can loose my job. Ive worked my ass off to get this job since i was 17, not to mention there is a very little turn over rate and almost zero openings ever, and the qualifications are almost impossible. (good luck considering being a functioning addict.) I’ve never been completely pill free and sober in my whole career I have ALOT of crazy, unbelievable stories. There are a lot of emotions that I was absolutely numbing. What an eye opener. Even though I knew what I was doing physically by habit and nature, it was as though mentally experiencing what I was seeing/feeling/hearing for the first time all over again, and this call wasn’t even that bad this time. Talk about a natural high!

Enough of work for now…. !! It’s been 42 days now. Wow. Felt some crappy ass RLS RBS (body) and mild w/d at bedtime last night. Been extremely tired. I have some motivation back so it’s not an overwhelming, extreme exhaustion. Now I just want to sleep!!!!! Sleep and get the HELL out of the house! No happy medium. Being idle is uncomfortable mentally. I’m starting to realize that not sleeping with withdrawals is actually a good thing. You’re brains been hijacked and now it’s trying to make a break for it. (Which means staying awake lol). I’m the type of person that likes to try to make logic of things to better knowledge myself. Now that I’m 60% or so, it just wants to sleep! I cannot blame it. My body needs an induced coma at this point in order to repair itself!!! Ha! My withdrawals are still present in waves. Majority of it now is an extremely achey, sore and sensitive body, and muscle spasms. The funny part, I was telling my bf that all of a sudden I get a rush of serotonin etc that makes me feel high. Then the next I don’t have enough (which would explain "waves" of withdrawal.) At least it’s working! It’ll level itself out eventually.

Hoping to get back into my gym this week. Im going to try tanning there to see if it’ll relax these destroyed muscles before i do anything. Now i need to gain some weight! Never thought I’d see the day where I felt good enough to go. Do they have a kiddie gym? I need sign up there because of the muscle atrophy! Wonder woman left the room!…. Im learning how to walk again…..*sigh*

For those of you who have battled this already, (you freaking incredibly amazing people you! shit sucks serious BUTT!!!) what’s your experience and remembrance on/around a month and a half? (Sorry, I know you will probably have night terrors and flash backs! Lol) just curious so I know crazy and the only one!

Tiny-ill email you the pic. Thanks! I think my iPad is just being a bitch now this time you get to see a cute, super fluffy piper. Not the fucking satan piper!

Author: Jennicole525

Posted: Mon Mar 25, 2013 4:57 pm

Mycovery- thank you, it’s a pleasure. This thread here is for smiles & laughter, feelings & support to anyone. Life’s not all that bad if you give it a chance.

I’m freakin WIPED!!!!
Sorry I couldn’t get on last night. I had to be up at 3am to get to work @ 4am for a 12 hr shift. I wanted to post so badly how I was feeling about going back to work. I had the craziest butterflies in my stomach all evening long!! Haven’t felt that since I was a youngin!!

Luckily, today was pretty quiet. Knock on wood. (We NEVER say that out loud. It means drinks and dinner on you! ) We only had to take off once for an accident. Everything was SO surreal. Upon arrival at the scene and observing what exactly we were about to get into, I said to myself, "How the f*ck did i end up doing THIS for a career!?"LOL. —although I know all too well why I did— I almost had a panic attack when the scanner went off and coded there was someone that needed to be airlifted. Once we got up in the air I thought i was going to throw up and pass out. Before, I would of been going crazy with the boys getting amped up. Shit, I would of strapped on a parachute and jumped out if I could of! Not today. I just sat there in silence! "Q" asked me, "are you okay, Jen?" I told him fine, I was just tired, *fake smile*

I was on maternity leave….Nobody knew what I was going through. (Even though there are MANY of us in the same boat in healthcare, I’m not alone, trust me) There’s no way in hell that I can loose my job. Ive worked my ass off to get this job since i was 17, not to mention there is a very little turn over rate and almost zero openings ever, and the qualifications are almost impossible. (good luck considering being a functioning addict.) I’ve never been completely pill free and sober in my whole career I have ALOT of crazy, unbelievable stories. There are a lot of emotions that I was absolutely numbing. What an eye opener. Even though I knew what I was doing physically by habit and nature, it was as though mentally experiencing what I was seeing/feeling/hearing for the first time all over again, and this call wasn’t even that bad this time. Talk about a natural high!

Enough of work for now…. !! It’s been 42 days now. Wow. Felt some crappy ass RLS RBS (body) and mild w/d at bedtime last night. Been extremely tired. I have some motivation back so it’s not an overwhelming, extreme exhaustion. Now I just want to sleep!!!!! Sleep and get the HELL out of the house! No happy medium. Being idle is uncomfortable mentally. I’m starting to realize that not sleeping with withdrawals is actually a good thing. You’re brains been hijacked and now it’s trying to make a break for it. (Which means staying awake lol). I’m the type of person that likes to try to make logic of things to better knowledge myself. Now that I’m 60% or so, it just wants to sleep! I cannot blame it. My body needs an induced coma at this point in order to repair itself!!! Ha! My withdrawals are still present in waves. Majority of it now is an extremely achey, sore and sensitive body, and muscle spasms. The funny part, I was telling my bf that all of a sudden I get a rush of serotonin etc that makes me feel high. Then the next I don’t have enough (which would explain "waves" of withdrawal.) At least it’s working! It’ll level itself out eventually.

Hoping to get back into my gym this week. Im going to try tanning there to see if it’ll relax these destroyed muscles before i do anything. Now i need to gain some weight! Never thought I’d see the day where I felt good enough to go. Do they have a kiddie gym? I need sign up there because of the muscle atrophy! Wonder woman left the room!…. Im learning how to walk again…..*sigh*

For those of you who have battled this already, (you freaking incredibly amazing people you! shit sucks serious BUTT!!!) what’s your experience and remembrance on/around a month and a half? (Sorry, I know you will probably have night terrors and flash backs! Lol) just curious so I know crazy and the only one!

Tiny-ill email you the pic. Thanks! I think my iPad is just being a bitch now this time you get to see a cute, super fluffy piper. Not the fucking satan piper!

Author: Jennicole525

Posted: Mon Mar 25, 2013 5:45 pm

Lmao. American inventor and business man. ^^ You were right!

I had a really rough time with tapering anything below 2mg. Hell, I felt crappy on 2 also. We both have 5 years on it…. I wish I could have not gotten so antsy and just taken it super slow. It was just too much everyday, running out early because of feeling like crap, blah blah, and I jumped with the push of my doctor. The rest is history in the making.Last time i jumped was off of 32mg. scariest physiological, demonic thing I’ve ever, ever been through. Not recommended!!! (What was I thinking?!)

Hey, hindsight is 20/20. Now I know exactly what I should have done and not done. You’re at the right place! if only i had joined and not just read on here before hand!! I would of added a lot of ideas to the whole taper/detox. You’ll pull through. Set up a serious, strict game plan for it before hand, though. I wish you well miss….

Author: Jennicole525

Posted: Mon Mar 25, 2013 5:45 pm

Lmao. American inventor and business man. ^^ You were right!

I had a really rough time with tapering anything below 2mg. Hell, I felt crappy on 2 also. We both have 5 years on it…. I wish I could have not gotten so antsy and just taken it super slow. It was just too much everyday, running out early because of feeling like crap, blah blah, and I jumped with the push of my doctor. The rest is history in the making.Last time i jumped was off of 32mg. scariest physiological, demonic thing I’ve ever, ever been through. Not recommended!!! (What was I thinking?!)

Hey, hindsight is 20/20. Now I know exactly what I should have done and not done. You’re at the right place! if only i had joined and not just read on here before hand!! I would of added a lot of ideas to the whole taper/detox. You’ll pull through. Set up a serious, strict game plan for it before hand, though. I wish you well miss….

Author: Jennicole525

Posted: Mon Mar 25, 2013 5:55 pm

From one cole to another…

So you’re around day 32 right?? It was I believe (ill have to look at my thread) day 32 where everything took a turn for the BETTER. I think my withdrawal peaked and burnt out on or around day 30 (rough rough day.)

Sleep has returned for you, pretty nice right? Don’t get discouraged if one night you sleep like a baby for 8 hrs then the next you don’t. It can be frustrating. Sounds like you’re doing extremely well, physically and mentally? Good for you. You’re doing what many feel is impossible (rightfully so, for many it also is) Were are very fortunate in our own way.

Keep up the hard work, never give up. You’re worth it!

Author: Jennicole525

Posted: Mon Mar 25, 2013 5:55 pm

From one cole to another…

So you’re around day 32 right?? It was I believe (ill have to look at my thread) day 32 where everything took a turn for the BETTER. I think my withdrawal peaked and burnt out on or around day 30 (rough rough day.)

Sleep has returned for you, pretty nice right? Don’t get discouraged if one night you sleep like a baby for 8 hrs then the next you don’t. It can be frustrating. Sounds like you’re doing extremely well, physically and mentally? Good for you. You’re doing what many feel is impossible (rightfully so, for many it also is) Were are very fortunate in our own way.

Keep up the hard work, never give up. You’re worth it!