Author: reach
Posted: Mon Jul 30, 2012 3:19 am
Let me start by saying that I’m fully aware of how much of a dumb asshole I am for getting myself into this position…
Over 3 years ago I began suboxone treatment for a burgeoning heroin addiction; I wasn’t a daily user yet, only because I refused to steal/rob/cheat/scam/etc to cover my habit so if I had no dope money, I just suffered. At that point the wds I would experience were like a hangover that doesn’t go away. For about the first year I would freely switch between suboxone and heroin, using the suboxone when I ran out of dope money…..until I overdosed. The love of my life found me dead, saved my life, and told me put it down or say goodbye. So I did.
A few months later, being the genious addict that I am, I found out that, guess what, suboxone can go in a rig, too! I found that by injecting just a portion of my prescribed dose I would feel an absolute sessation of cravings, and because of the half-life I only needed to dose every other day. At some point that year I stopped sublingually dosing entirely.
Two years later and I IV my entire dose, requiring two injections a day. Last month, for the first time, I ran short.
Bupe no longer has any effect on my cravings, it simply keeps me from experiencing withdrawals. I want off. I NEEEEED to get off before this addiction costs me a LIMB or gives me a stroke…but….the severity and duration of my addiction lead me to beleive (from what I have read) that withdrawing from suboxone, despite a slow taper, is still going to be at least 1 month of pure hell WDs followed by at least a year of….less than normal functioning as my brain repairs itself. That scares the hell out of me (and I’m generally a border-line deathwish ballsy motherfucker) and I know I won’t make it through that year without relapse.
I just don’t know what the fuck to do….
All I can think to do is taper down over the next two months as far as possible then jump to a full agonist (either street heroin or a prescription of oxycodone sourced from I won’t say where 
) long enough for the bupe to be out of my system for a few weeks (so maybe a month on oral oxy?) and then hop on naltrexone tabs or something once I detox off the oxy.
I just want to live…….and that’s not happening as long as I’m a BUPE JUNKIE.
Please…anybody…somebody help….