Author: jonathanm1978

Posted: Tue Jan 31, 2012 6:16 am

You should visit the My Induction Story section and read my entire "passage"….

It’s pretty long though, and took me quite a bit of time to author it..the morning that I typed out that story, I remember going through nearly an entire pot of coffee (duly noted that I drink coffee ENTIRELY too much..there isn’t a DAY that passes that we don’t make AT LEAST 4 pots of 10-cup coffee…I drink coffee from the time I get up until the time i go to bed.)

But my story tells how I started into pills, somewhat..though I didn’t do an entire history — it gives the basic design of addiction and how I came to enjoy the high…and goes into the major problems that pills caused.

My wife and I had split once or twice before — ALL over the pill issues. But now..splitting up is the absolutely the last thing on our minds. I love her to death (do you part)….and i take my vows VERY seriously, as does she. We are a good couple..and we do have a loving home NOW…whereas pills brought a personality out of me that was mean, ill-tempered, and untrusting.

I’ve always been hopeful that I can tell someone my personal experience, and that can be an inspirational story to someone and show them that "wow, though ALL of that, this guy made it and turned it all around."

I once thought that the only way out…was the ULTIMATE way "out". And I am not trying to brag about being intelligent..but I’m way too smart to even consider suicide…I have too much sense for something like that…but I just knew that my life would never be the same if I didn’t continue taking opiates. I knew that I couldn’t exist or function if I didn’t keep enough opiate in my system to ward-off the withdrawals that I felt when I would come down…and I did NOT want to live that way. So the only "escape" that I could fathom, in my high mind, was taking the ultimate sacrifice, and ridding the earth of my existence. I thought that was ALL I could do to get out of that..
If I had to guess, or estimate, I would say that if I had NOT found suboxone when I did, and got into a program..that I might’ve made it another year. And unless I got locked up or shot..or forced the cops to kill me…if that year would’ve been spent as the prior 8 months, I would’ve OD’d on purpose and tried to end it all. I had a motorcycle at the time, and I was already trying to find ways to run it up a tree or power pole so that I could escape the torture of addiction.

I didn’t want to be a bad person..and I didn’t want to be mistrusted..I wanted to be normal, like everyone else. But I just knew that I would never feel that again….so I got lucky.
What saddens me is that there are people out there who aren’t so lucky. There are folks who don’t get that life-saving treatment..or that get help just in the nick of time…and they keep going until they’ve gone too far. And to some extent, I guess I feel a little bit of guilt, just a little, because I’m cheating the addiction. I’m cheating it, AND beating it…something that SOME folks won’t ever have the luxury of doing…so I know where I am right now is only by the grace of God. Apparently he had a purpose for me, and allowed me to find my footing and step back from the edge…and I’m grateful for that. I only wish that I could help all those people who were, like me, teetering on the brink or edge, and catch them before they take the plunge or go over the edge. This is why I tell my story..it’s why I joined here…hopefully I can bring hope to someone..and if I save just ONE person..then I know that I’ve done something in return of the blessing that I received.