short term user getting off of subs and desperate for help

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Author: tearj3rker

Posted: Tue Nov 08, 2011 9:05 am

I’m in recovery from addiction. Very Happy

I’ve tried so many recovery programs / rehabs. I used to do a lot of 12-step based recovery – NA mostly. I had some decent stretches of clean time while in the rooms, but I eventually would always relapse. And they were really intense life threatening relapses too, like I gave myself completely to my addiction. I did a couple of very intense periods in a 12-step therapeutic community, which was an experience! I was front centre in the meetings for years talking up the program, worked all the steps, secretary of a meeting, GSR. Recovery was my full-time job. I had that dreamy 12-stepper voice going. I definitely had some fond memories of my time in the rooms, but I decided to walk away as I was sick of building up my life, only to lose everything when I would eventually relapse.

I then tried a bit of SMART recovery, which was very different, but my recovery went just as well as in NA. Just like previously, after a while I used again. The relapse was nowhere near as intense as they were in NA, when they just kept getting worse, and I managed to pull it up before I smashed my life again. In a moment of clarity, I realised it was time to try something different, and I went back on Suboxone. I think it was a wise decision, as I have managed to stay and organise holidays, work, buy a decent car, treat my hep-c. All things I hadn’t done for years because of the relapsing.

While I had a couple of weeks using while on Suboxone, they were nothing compared to before. Strangely, I find the idea of using, the ritual, the scoring … disgusting. Literally. I can’t believe I was putting needles in my arm. Shocked

I do plan on tapering at some stage. But there are a few hurdles to jump yet.

Anyway, that’s the recovery I’ve worked. I’ve taken the best bits of many different "recoveries" and built my own. Laughing

Keep at NA. Many people get a quality recovery in that program. But if you find after a while that your life hasn’t been improving, don’t be afraid to look elsewhere, as the 12-steps doesn’t have a monopoly on getting clean. Recovery, like faith, is a very personal thing, and we all have to build our own.