Author: qhorsegal2
Posted: Fri Jun 07, 2013 8:00 am
Hey MizzMe,
I just wanted to chime in here because I have been through EXACTLY what you described. I did it month after month, and the pattern was almost impossible to stop for me. The WD at the end of every month wasn’t enough to stop me, neither was my doctor threatening to kick me out of his program. I failed three drug screens during the year of treatment because I didn’t have enough sub in my system. The last time it happened I ran out a full week early and went through excrutiating WD for the whole week. I wasn’t going to go back to the doctor because he had warned me after the 2nd time that he wouldn’t keep me in the program if I ran out early again. But after the hell week I decided to give it a shot, the worst he could do was tell me to leave right? Well, I went in WITH my husband and he took pity on me. But I knew then that I was not going to get away with it again. I gave my subs to my husband and he has had them ever since. For some reason we addicts tend to have a disconnect when it comes to thinking about the consequences of our actions. Instant gratification, no matter how small, is much more important than long term rational thinking. Really, give it a try. After a month of breaking that cycle it is MUCH easier. It’s just a habit that you haven’t broken yet, and you need to get control of it now.
Just a tip…be honest with yourself when you talk to your husband about keeping them for you. If you are like me, you might be tempted to go search out his hiding spots. If you think that might be a problem then come up with a solution in a moment of clear thinking, BEFORE the temptation is too strong to ignore. If you start thinking about it, say something to him when the thought first comes up and deal with it right then. That will get that thought out of your head much more quickly and allow you to return back to sane thinking before you shoot yourself in the foot.
These are HARD LEARNED lessons. But it comes, in time. Some sooner than others. I think I was a bit stubborn and hard headed about it. But it finally sank in…somewhere along the line!
Good luck!