Author: jonathanm1978
Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2012 6:09 pm
Yeah, the way your mind works when you’re eating pills is TOTALLY different than when you’re NOT. I used to think in ways that would normally make me stop and ask someone else "are you totally f-ing stupid?"…then I stop and reconsider that it was MYSELF that I would have to ask if I were stupid…the things that we’ll have "light bulb" moments with when we’re making an excuse for ourselves as to why we want to eat our pills of choice / drug of choice. It really is amazing that someone would actually think "hey, instead of me paying $6 a piece for 15 pills a day, and spending like $90 bucks a day…I’ll just buy one pill that only costs $45 to $55, and save ALL KINDS OF MONEY…and with that money that I save, I can buy an extra 2 or 3 oxys a week, and some extra high now and then…and I’ll be doing everyone a favor…my spouse that I’m hiding this addiction from…instead of not paying electricity bills and being cut-off THIS week, I’ll pay a little more for this ONE pill, and we can put off our electricity being cut off for ONE MORE WEEK…
And just look how I sacrificed that extra money…when I COULD have taken ___mg of this pill, I took ___mg of this pill, but it wasn’t because I wanted to…oh no…I didn’t WANT to snort that oxy..but I’m doing it so that instead of having all our shit cut off, we can merely postpone it a little bit so that I don’t look like I’m blowing the ENTIRE paycheck on something that nobody sees. And yes, I went to pay the bill and lost my wallet, dear…I swear!
Oh, I could tell you some stories…I would leave my house, headed to go and pay ______ bill, or buy _____ for us to eat..and I would think the ENTIRE time I was gone…."what can I say happened…" or "what can I tell her that was an extra charge to make up for losing $55 (one pill).
Needless to say, we wound up living with her mom and dad for a very long 2 years or so.
Now let’s fast forward a bit to HERE AND NOW!!
My wife’s parents are living with us, and it DAMN sure aint because my inlaws are doing any sort of pills or drugs…it’s the economy stuff that caused them so much grief….
But nothing in our house has changed as far as bills go…our bills cost (actually more) now than they did 3 or 4 years ago when I let everything get cut off…and we’re doing well enough that we are able to let my wife’s parents live with us…
Now, I won’t say we have it made, or are paying our bills 3 or 4 months ahead of time..but we’re doing MUCH better now that our paychecks go toward paying for living expenses instead of some invisible, mysterious "charge" that my sorry-ass made up to lie to my wife so I could sneak MORE pills.
The bad part, no matter HOW much money I had, I NEVER had enough pills. I was ALWAYS hunting more…and always doing something to get more….or looking for some way to get the money up…
Nobody trusted me as far as they could throw me..
But now, I do people’s taxes for them, in fact, I have a small business owner who has me do ALL of his tax computers..and he has anywhere from 1500 to 2000 patients.
Oh how things change…