Author: jonathanm1978

Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2012 8:46 am

I think this ‘area’ of the site would be used for things like what I did when I first began Suboxone treatment back in 2008…

I had heard of the so-called "drug" that took away withdrawals…but being high at the time, and not really caring much, I paid little attention to people who tried to tell me about it — or the one person who tried to tell me. I had been Oxy’s with her for 4 or 5 months, and suddenly, my friend was telling me to try this miracle drug that I’d never heard of, because it would make me not want Oxy’s anymore. Well, I wasn’t game for that, because I wasn’t ready…so 4 or 5 months passed, and I kept doing what I was doing, of COURSE it was getting worse..more and more to get the same effect…

When I finally decided that I had gotten my fill of the problems, the pill chase, the never-ending drama and soap opera that surrounded doing my drug of choice, I started trying to read up on Suboxone. But keep in mind, I was still doing my drug of choice, so I didn’t have a serious tone about it…but I did your basic "Google Search = Suboxone" and read a little. (Oddly, I must’ve not found this site, or didn’t pay attention..)

But I finally took the plunge. Something HAD to give, and it HAD to be the habit of pills that was costing me ENORMOUS amounts of money to continue funding daily…so phone calls were made, and I talked with people at this methadone clinic. The psychiatrist / therapist said that I sounded like a perfect candidate for suboxone and began naming off the cost. Oh my….the cost. I had already tapped out every resource I had using my pills…so there wasn’t any "emergency" money.
But I managed to scrape up the $290 or $260 for the first visit, which also covered my 2nd visit the following week…and made the dive. Told the therapist, "yes, I want to do this…" and she put me down to come in. This date I was coming in to them was 2 weeks away though, and she informed me that I HAD to test positive for opiates when I came in for the initial visit. Then I would leave, come back in 48 hours without ANY use in that 48 hour period, and be in withdrawal while the doctor administered the Suboxone to me in his office.

I agreed, and started the countdown for the 2 weeks I had to wait before my first appointment.

Everything worked out, I got on Suboxone..first week was ok…second week was already paid for by the first weeks cost…so I was good for those 2 weeks. Now, this doctor wanted to see me EVERY week for 2 months before putting me on a monthly plan…and the cost of that?? $160 a visit. $160 per week, to come in, and he would ONLY give me a week’s supply to insure that I came back the next week. How was this any different than what I was doing…the way I viewed that was I was NOW depending on a professional drug dealer instead of a drug dealer on the street…this new drug dealer had a Ph.D on his wall…and I was forced into a VERY costly plan for becoming opiate-free.

Well, after the 2nd week, I couldn’t come up with the money to go to the third visit. I made 3 or 4 phone calls to the methadone clinic, practically begging for SOME type of assistance..but they only cared to get the money and THEN they would talk with me. I asked could I come back in another week, and pick-up where I left off, and the therapist that was on the phone with me said "yes, but the doctor will only allow you to miss 2 weeks before you have to be ‘excluded’ from the suboxone program.. I explained the financial difficulty..but the doctor wasn’t willing to cooperate or do anything except keep asking me for $160 every visit. So I skipped an appointment. Knew what was coming, even though I had never been on suboxone before…and I prepared for it by purchasing my drug of choice again. 2 days after my last suboxone, I began feeling the misery..and snorted an oxycontin.

But the following week, the 4th week since I had gotten in the Suboxone program…I had the money ready, and I went back. Got my Suboxone, and I felt GOOD! YES…I was OK again.

I would worry about the future week’s visit when the time came.

The time came, and I didn’t have the money, yet again. So this was my 2nd missed appointment. If I missed again, I was out..so I had to go to the 6th week visit, or I wouldn’t be allowed back and would have to start over with $260, the whole "new patient induction" and all..all over again.

April 18, 2008, I went to my Dr appointment. Had a trip planned for a family reunion..was leaving and headed to Louisiana to see my dad…and I was going to make the appointment come hell or high water. And I did. I had my Suboxone, and the following week I knew I wouldn’t be able to go, and would be thrown out, but I couldn’t help it.

There for about 3 months, I was on/off/on/off suboxone. I didn’t "want" to be that way, just financially, I could NOT afford it. But I finally managed to find a doctor in another town, about an hour away, who would see me for $110 first visit, because I was already a suboxone patient. AND…he would let me come monthly, starting with the first visit….I had FINALLY found my relief!

So July 7, 2008, I had my LAST oxycontin. That was IT. I haven’t touched one since, and I don’t plan to. And now when I think about it, I have this "eww" feeling in my mind..like "eww, I don’t want to be that kind of person again."

That’s the messing around that I still did…It was by choice, of course, we all make our choice..but then again, it wasn’t by choice. Physically speaking, I was dependent. Still am, but on Suboxone….but I didn’t want to be messing around. But since when can someone who’s addicted to opiates show ANY sort of moderation in their drug use???

Does an opiate addict EVER have moderation…or do they just lie to themselves and convince themselves that they are in control…If Oxycontin dictates my entire paycheck and where it goes..then I’m not in control.
Now, I will admit, I have my vices about being on Suboxone…I don’t want Suboxone to be in control…but I feel differently about taking it. I’m the one in control of it. I don’t run out early, or sell my meds..I take it AS prescribed, and I have always took it as prescribed. I never took ANY opiate I was prescribed like it said I should, or as the doctor directed…that I think is the BIG difference.