Author: lack of armour

Posted: Sun May 26, 2013 10:27 pm

This is reassuring. Reading these experiences with anxiety/depression. None of this is simple. I think i was drawn to opiates originally because i had a hard time dealing with large groups of people. Heroin was like a nice warm blanket. I didn’t need anyone, never got lonely. Was really creative for a long time using. But then the reality of it all becomes so hollow. Suboxone allowed me to break that routine, and for that i am grateful. I didn’t notice the nasty side effects until about a year into my suboxone treatment (or pretended they weren’t there). I have always been a little sad, but it was a sadness that i recognized, accepted, and was familiar to me. Before suboxone, i had a social life. Was engaged with the world. Inspired by things. Never short on creative ideas. The suboxone killed all that. I was leveled by a depression that was completely foreign and frightening. And it was unrelenting. Constant. This was saddled with severe anxiety, memory loss and a general fog in my brain. I could no longer see the world in three-dimensional color. Everything was monochrome.
It was this combination of side effects that finally pushed me to wean myself off after 2 years of use, and i have been suboxone free for 4 days now. This rickety boat has a lot of sailing to do before my brain starts to repair itself. Reading all of your positive experiences with time as a healer is giving me hope though. So thank you for that.