Author: Almost_done

Posted: Fri Feb 01, 2013 11:54 am

I am not saying you NEED to stay on suboxone for any preset amount of time. Everyone is different. This is not a debatable fact. Some people can do a week taper and be good, others need to stay on it for 6+months in order to get their ducks in a row.

It sounds to me like you are really not ready to get off of the suboxone. I say this because you clearly still have a lot of guilt and negative emotions swirling around from your time using. These should be addressed before you jump off, otherwise you run a big risk there.

The fact that you have slipped already and taken sub is another key indicator. While slipping and taking sub is probably the best "slip" you could have (and I even question if it would qualify as a slip), it clearly indicates you are still in the mindset of "addict behaviors". What I mean is this: your response to these stresses is to "take a pill/strip/med". Things going tough this week? No problem I’ll take some ‘suboxone’. This however could easily become another drug if you get off of the suboxone. That behavior of taking something in response to life/emotions is precisely a behavior that should be addressed before you stop taking suboxone.

One of the most difficult parts, if not the most difficult altogether, is to reserve judgement on yourself. This is probably the most critical aspect, as well as the most difficult. What this means is no dumping on yourself. Don’t say "I wish I were a better man…", don’t say "I really am a POS" don’t say "I am guilty and always will be…" etc etc etc. Do not dump on yourself, ever. There are already enough people out in the world who wanna dump on you and bring you down, do NOT BE ONE OF THEM. If you feel bad about yourself and who you are, that really NEEDS to be addressed. Needs, not should. If you dont, then relapse is not too far off the horizon. I won’t sit here and lie: this is crazy hard. Do not get that twisted for a second. This is probably the hardest part of recovery, yet it is critical.

Also I’m no relationship expert, but the corollary to that: if your girl is dumping on you, maybe shes not the girl for you…A relationship should be about support you and making things easier, not bringing you down and making this insanely important decision more difficult.

Further, you are overthinking things. This was the hardest part for me. I had to learn that not only can my brain not be trusted 100% of the time, but sometimes over thinking puts me a few steps back instead of forwards. Example: you are all worried about school, about missing classes or whatever, etc. These are the exact things I was worried about as well. So as a result, I rushed things. I spent time obsessing over things off in the future instead of dealing with the issues that had to be dealt with. What difference did it make that I "quit" fast in time for school, when I relapsed that semester? What did it matter I was worried about a possibly job or health care implications as a result of getting on subuxone that would be 10 years in the future?

My personal example: My brain has been my biggest asset: it got me into a great university, with a great scholarship, and other great places. Yet let us examine the flip side: it got me hooked on opioids; it also ruined my life. It made me THINK that I’d be OK to use again once in awhile; it made me THINK that those future concerns were justifications for poor decisions in the present. So, don’t over think things. Don’t worry about future repercussions because you will NEVER make it to that point if you don’t escape opioids. All you should be worrying about (at this point) is how you feel and whether or not YOU are ready to stop taking suboxone (you, not anyone else).

The future is not something you should not be thinking too deeply about yet if you’re still worrying about relapsing, and still hesitant about stopping. Feel me?

You are definitely right about the xanax: do NOT try and cut that out simultaneously. One thing at a time. Quitting one addiction is hard enough, but two? One of which you have been on for A DECADE?!?! Yeah, you really need to put that on hold until this is dealt with. OR you need to deal with that FIRST. Either way, one at a time. Exactly the reason they tell people starting suboxone to keep smoking if they smoke: one addiction at a time. I quit smoking like 8 months after I started suboxone, but there was NO WAY I could’ve quit smoking at the same time as starting. Just one mans anecdotal reports, but its also preached by many addiction specialists (and even some help groups). One thing at a time.

Just remember: it is a marathon, not a sprint. What difference does it make if you get off the suboxone next week if you relapse the week after?

Really hope you take that last part to heart. Best of luck.