Author: jonathanm1978

Posted: Thu Jul 25, 2013 7:29 pm

If you’d like a good example of things that have to be dealt with sooner or later…I’ll open up on my own personal life…and something I did while in active addiction…

Before I EVER thought about Suboxone, or even knew it existed…I went into my step-dad’s home and would steal his pain killers…Keep in mind, I really don’t have any family…at least, not in this area. The step-dad is ACTUALLY the guy who married my step-grandmother. But my step-grandmother adopted me when I was 3, so she was mom to me as far as I knew. The guy that married her after my granddad passed away…step-dad…the one I’m talking about stealing from. (OK…now that everyone is almost as confused as I am about my family tree)…..

So…at first, he lived up the road a bit, about 10 miles away. I had already gotten good at breaking in to places…not something I’m proud of …but it’s true. I would wait until late at night, then I’d go hit his pill bottle up for 10-15 of his lortab 10s…Then he moved right next door to me, on some land that he acquired and had always owned…but needed a trailer before he could move next to me. I inherited my home from the death of my "mom"…(step-grandmother)…

And when he moved down here beside me…I was really in heaven. Just go right next door and help myself…no driving necessary…anytime I thought I needed a fix. I would see him out in his garden…hit that bottle. Leaving for church…same.
I decided that I needed some credit (why the fuck???), so I stole his identity as well. What in the hell was I thinking?? I ask myself that every single day…NOW. But, back then…I didn’t care. I needed money, and this was a way to get it.

I got clean, and I quit all that stupid shit…apologized repeatedly to him after I confessed to what I had been doing…but the only thing I left out of it all was that i had run up a couple of credit cards…in his name. Not over $1800 or so..but still, enough to matter. I thought I could take care of it..and nobody would be the wiser. I was wrong.

When the man found out…he was PISSED. And he went from being related to me, to being someone who despised me. He was no longer family…and treated me as such. Which I probably deserved..but can you imagine how depressing it is when you’re 2 years into treatment…and you get hit with a lawsuit from someone who wants you to call him "dad"???
That’s right folks…felony conviction…right here. Identity theft, 1 count.
Thank GOD for a friend that’s an investigator with the Sheriff’s dept here…when he questioned me, I of course didn’t deny it..and he got it where instead of having 4 separate charges, I only had 1 charge of ID theft.

And when I said it was barely $1800….that means, the restitution I paid, which was lawyer fees, court costs, and the balances I owed …added up to $1760. The man did that to me for $1700…
which…I probably would’ve done the same thing…but for God’s sake, I had been clean for 2 years and he knew I hadn’t stolen a fucking thing from him since I got into treatment.
He actually wanted me to go to prison..and tried to get the DA to go along with that….
But, to my face, he told me we would discuss it when we got to court, and see if I could get it bumped down to a misdemeanor. That was exactly what he told me the evening before court…
But when we got in there, my attorney came and said "he wants you to get ID theft, nothing less than that. He doesn’t want you to have a misdemeanor."
I cried. A grown man, 2 1/2 years in treatment, and had been clean the whole time…I stood in a fucking courthouse and cried….this fucker wanted me to go to prison. I wanted to KILL him…
He lied…ball-faced lied. But he would run and teach Sunday School at church every Sunday and tell everyone how I screwed him over SOOOO bad….
But when it came time to do what he said he would do to me…nope…
that was probably the hardest thing I had to deal with in my entire 5 years of being clean. I never faced anything that stressed me so much, and made me want to turn back to getting high to escape the reality of it.
And I never discuss it with people too often..I’m VERY un-proud of that…it’s something I did and I already paid all my fines+costs…and now I’m left with a permanent scar on my record that keeps me from having a gun…and voting.
But, we all do some pretty stupid shit…while in active addiction. This is by far the worst thing I did.

so there’s my example. Not easy to tell everyone that..but I’m an honest person NOW. The dope I was doing made me a VERY dishonest person, and someone even I couldn’t stand. I think that’s why I wanted to end it all before I found suboxone….I HATED myself..literally. And what I had become.
But…it’s NEVER that bad …that you can’t deal with it, and confront it head-on. It’ll all work out.