Author: ct1762
Posted: Thu Dec 15, 2011 2:12 pm
I do feel for you. Before i started to do lots of oxy and dope, i was an avid weightlifter and got into the gym 5-7 days a week without fail. My mind/muscle connection was pretty much unstoppable. Even if i drank the night before, i would lift the next day like my life depended on it. This was back from 2000-2004. After using for a few years, In 2008 i remember the DAY i lost my motivation.My habit finally caught up with me. I was driving to the gym, and a practically uncontrollable urge to use the 40mg tab of oxy i had back in my condo hit me. I turned around, snorted it, and never looked back. That day and terrible feeling of loss still haunts me to this day. Its as if my mind gave in, and accepted the drugs, snuffing out motivation, drive and interest. Apathy up the ass with all aspects of life from then on, accept, of course, for opiates.
In June of 2009 i decided enough was enough, and i have been on suboxone ever since. The problem is, i still cannot get that old fire back, even though i started lifting again for a solid 8 months. My doc keeps telling me my passion will return, but i just feel dull. I think it has nothing to do with your thyroid…. just plain and simple dopamine levels. With low dopamine comes low testosterone, and that is probably what we are experiencing.
I have been on 12mg a day for 31 months now, and i am tapering down this week for the first time. Feels awesome. Things will get better. Your interest will return, as mine is coming back in waves… sometimes they last for a day, sometimes for a second or two, but life and color is returning.
Good luck!