Author: Scorpiotl

Posted: Fri Dec 21, 2012 5:59 am

Teejay and GlenBee I think it was….I had a really bad morning thursday…..but than i did something i didnt think i could do but i knew i had to. I let go of my sub. I flushed it all down the toilet. There is no going back. I took some zzquyil tonight but not too much because its 10 percent alcohol. but let me backtrack…..after i flushed the sub i felt a surge of adrenaline??? maybe something it let me know that something had changed. i know it sounds melodramatic and it probably is. But I felt a release. I felt weird but I made myself get out today in this Christmas crazyness.. I didnt drive my fiancee did…i felt weird for hours pretty much all day….but I feel like something has changed. I fell like I made a commitment just like I did in getting off the methadone. I ache and I hurt but I dont feel trapped. Im weak and Im tired but I cant sleep. Im here. Im alive again and Im kicking….I just wanted to check in with you guys because the stuff on here has kept me going. As an aside I posted the other day about a tox screen I took because Im considering changing jobs….I know Im an addict so Im impulsive and when I do things I do them all the way. So Im changing alot of things right now but if anybody knows Im just curious if they will check for sub…..anyway i need some water. God Bless you all.

talk to you soon

Scorp