Author: TeeJay

Posted: Thu Nov 08, 2012 11:41 pm

I’ve definitely been where you are now.

The first time I tried to get clean I was in my early 20’s. I remember thinking "my addiction wasn’t that bad". All these other people in NA were talking about jail, losing their kids, their homes… and I felt like I couldn’t relate. Even worse, it made me think I HAD TO lose those things to seriously want to get clean. And that couldn’t have been further from the truth.

Because even if I didn’t realise it then, I’d lost the most important thing. I didn’t care about other people anymore and didn’t care about myself and didn’t care about life. Using drugs came before everything because nothing in life made me feel what i thought they could do, and I was capable and willing to shit on anything to get a hit back then as I was when I’d seriously started losing. Really, I’d already lost my family my life my health and my freedom because I didn’t care about those things anywhere near as much as I cared about using drugs. It was just a matter of time before the reality of my life and my circumstance matched how my values were messed up inside. As long as you value drugs ahead of everything else – your health, your family, your friends, career, material possessions – one by one they drop off. IMO everyone’s life circumstances eventually reflect what they value inside.