Author: Babydoll

Posted: Sat Jan 21, 2012 6:42 pm

Hello……
I’ve not been on here for months. I’ve re-read thought this thread i started and honestly things are pretty much the same as they were. I am still not giving up on giving up though. Rome wasn’t built in a day and all that. I still see my keyworker – although only once every month or so, and my prescriptions just get sent automatically to the chemist and i go there twice a week to collect. I am all over the place with my Suboxone because I am still using gear as well. It is a mess and I am not proud. Feel like a failure and that you guys must think I am takling the piss or that I don’t really want to quit. But i do want to be clean i just don’t know if I’ll get there. I get paid monthly, and i have mentioned before how the money burns holes in my pockets. So I think the only reason why I’ve not had any gear in over a week is because I have had no bloody money to buy any. And so I take my Suboxone and each day I feel physically better and i say to myself ‘see caz, you can do this. look how much better you feel, no hassle or sickness getting up and going to work in the mornings. keep going like this and you’ll be fine’. and then PAYDAY!! whoop come on lets go score!! why? why the fuck? then it starts over again – before i know it its 10 days back on the gear and pretty much all disposable income gone. again. and i tell myself every month that this has to stop, it can’t go on like this. but it does and i don’t know how to change it.