Author: musiclover

Posted: Wed Jul 24, 2013 6:36 pm

I find myself randomly thinking of the time I wasted being high or on subs not living life. I missed ages 21-25. I may get a stray thought of wishing for fun and excitement and it’d be fun to do an oxy. I’m not going to lie. This is a CONSTANT battle! I’ve heard NA works, but it’s not for me. I’ve heard it’s a 50/50 chance in finding great support there, and just more addicts. Unfortunately I’ve heard this area actually has dealers going there as a spot to hit up the junkies in their weakest state.

I have to remind myself how it’s not worth it. I had 2 years of fun, for almost 2 more years of feeling like shit. Spending the first year of my sons life numb from suboxone because I wanted "fun". I won’t go back. I had no money, no friends, no life! On drugs that is. Who you think are your friends really aren’t. Especially because I was a dealer myself, they just wanted me for the drugs. I’m good on that.

I’m trying to find a relationship with God. My husband and his family are strongly religious and I go with him twice a week. I’m also studying with someone. It’s helpin me for now and my son and my husband are what truly help me every day! I wish I could lie and say its never been a thought in my mind, but I can’t lie. You all aren’t idiots and I’d like the people out there reading to know its going I be a tough. And you should definitely have a plan of attack for those little monsters.