Author: A_Low_Man36

Posted: Wed Jun 12, 2013 3:31 am

amber4.14.11, thanks so much for the links. I’m looking at Suboxone strip website right now and the psychiatrist/doctor that I was thinking about calling is on the list of the 20 mile search based on my zip code.

I will admit that I have been able to get a hold of 10 suboxone films(8mg/2mg) this past weekend because I was 1.5 days into a morphine and hydrocodone wd. I have a good job and they thought I was sick, but little did they know my REAL issue. I will need some financial assistance because I’m still new at my job and it’s a technician/installation type job where customer interatction, focus, troubleshooting, etc.. is part of my job. Nothing really physical, but I’ve had wd’s before and the not sleeping and anxiety almost drove me nuts and I can’t go through that working a full time job, so I’m gonna start calling doctors tomorrow to see what the costs are and when I can get in. Sundays and Mondays are my only day off and I don’t have a set time I get off work either since it’s an installation type career. I’m usually home around 5pm though…….sometimes earlier and sometimes later.

I came clean to my older brother and he said he would help financially or what I couldn’t afford. I can HONESTLY say this with 100% CERTAINTY that the past year of my DAILY USE has not been to get high, it’s been to JUST FEEL NORMAL. And, when I’d get around Tuesdays, when I’d always buy my weekly supply, I’d be so anxious and scared to death that something would happen where I couldn’t get MY STUFF. God, I HAD SO much stress and anxiety starting on Sunday that I’d actually drink liquor alcohol to help calm me down and I don’t even hardly drink alcohol except on rare social occasions. Opiates have always been MY THING. I’m SO Tired of the stress and anxiety of when, how, and where I’m getting my weekly supply which is all I could afford and my habit was usually around $300-$320 per week. God, the money I’ve wasted and the lies I’ve had to concoct with family to explain away where the money has gone is just mind boggling and the guilt I have is just overwhelming at times. I truely feel like a piece of whale poop laying on the ocean floor at times because of my addiction. But, I’m SO ready to be over this and get on suboxone and then eventually, at the right time, taper down under doc supervision and then quit for good while substituting exercise, good diet and hopefully some reconnection with my spiritual side that’s been dormant for years.

Thanks again all for listening to my story. Hopefully, I can find the right doc or ANY DOC, starting out, here within the month and get on a suboxone maintenance plan and then just take it one day at a time. I actually feel some relief after visiting that Suboxone strip website and reading some of the stuff there. I scored a "6" on the opiate dependence questionaire which 6- recommends talking with a doctor about an opiate dependence problem. I’m scared to death cause I sorta fear doctors and finding which will be the best fit for me while also being within my budget since I don’t have any insurance CURRENTLY. I missed my enrollment for health, dental, and vision back in April because I was too lazy and un-motivated to check my mail regularly, so now I won’t have insurance until I can enroll again in October. Lke I said though, my older brother offered to help me on the costs, but he said he won’t give me money directly, which I don’t blame him one bit. He said he’d pay over the phone with credit card or arrange another payment plan. That suits me fine.

As long as I can get on a Suboxone maintenance program with regular visits and counseling around my work schedule then I can TRUELY say the weight of an elephant will be off my shoulders and I can stop worrying about getting sick from wd’s when I can’t find anything and I can also get some things off my chest which might be some of the reasoning behind my usage. I don’t plan, nor WANT to stay of Suboxone forever. I want to do a very safe taper whether it takes 6 months or more…..under doc supervision. For once, I feel a bit of confidence I’m about to get finally get the help I need and become a normal, productive citizen again. I used to be social and go out and do stuff, but now I just sit at home and CONSTANTLY think about what I’m doing to myself and watch the clock to see when it’s time to dose again. I hope, when I finally clean my act up, I can help some poor soul that is walking in the shoes I’m currently in. I truely hope I can someday get that opportunity.

Thanks so much again for all the support and advice from your replies to my thread! Please feel free to add anything at anytime. I have thick skin and an open mind, so if you want to say how "STUPID" I am for getting myself in my situation then I’ll agree with you and if you want to offer any other great advice then I’m all eyes/ears. God bless each of ya!!!

A_Low_Man