Author: sweet16
Posted: Mon Mar 18, 2013 8:34 pm
Hi forum friends,
I am doing well today. I went to bed lastnight w/o using, I did wakeup at some point in the middle of the night sweatting and legs cramping so I used a bit to go back to sleep. WOke up this AM and used to ward off the sweats & to get going. I am doing really well today as far as not using "just because" or bc I am bored. I left the house and purposely stayed gone. After a few errands and once I got home, I got on the internet & found some doctors. I have 3, yes THREE!!! appointments with 3 different doctors. The first one being Wednesday at 10:30 am. TOTALLY thrilled. These are all Naturopath doctors. I called bout 4doctors, explained what was going on and what my goal is. After several calls, I picked the 3 that seemed to have the most experience. One in particular claimed to be very good at this type of issue. I am very excited to see what they have to say and how a Naturopath treats addiction and specifically, withdrawl, cravings and relapse. They do not think they use suboxone or methadone. I could be wrong. Either way, I am looking forward to a different approach. I know ya all think I shuld be getting right back on suboxone. I may or may not do that. I am anxious to learn how the naturopath doctors treat individuals such as myself
Hey Q~ I love the accountability thing and you are right. It does seem to help when theres someone asking how ya doing. Actually I have talked to my BFF and told her to the truth and nothing but. Funny coincidence is her mother is in town this month and actually staying with her, soooooo I cant really expect her to be here daily woth me. Her Mother is elderly and also a widow, so they are doing the mother daughter thing. My ex husband is keeping a close eye on me. I appreciate the fact he is not hounding me but allowing me to fix this on my terms. As far as my Mom, well I am not at all worried about the condition of my place BC I am an absolute germaphobe and my place is always spotless and in perfect order. I guess it is one of the things being on H allows me to accomplish. EVERYTHING on the list. None the less, I have never been good enough in her eyes. She will not even sit on my toilet seat would you believe? She will treat my toilet as though it were a public restroom. We just are not your normal Mom/Daughter team. Lol. I was closer to my Dad…They were step brother/sister and utterly DESPISED eachother and whenever I was with the other they would make CERTAIN I KNEW what an Asshole or what a Bitch the other was. Needless to say my parents never won Parent of the Year Award lol…AND I could care less if she dont sit on my toilet seat…. lol less cleaning I gotta do. My Mom and her husband are traveling in their Motorhome. Since they both retired they spend the winters down in the "lower 48" (they reside in Alaska)
I appreciate you beong concearned for me. You are all just wonderful.
Tiny`~ Promises are hard to keep as a drug addict. My goal is to get off heroin. It is NOT at all easy and tapering is damn friggen hard. I am determined as HELL. I am a drug addict… Very contradictory combo absolutely! Guily is a feeling that has consumed me a lot thru out this entire thing. Mostly because of my children. So I keep it to a minimum BC I know is it destructive and I am a GOOD Mom no matter what. I have done shitty things, but as a human and having forgiving children I am blessed. Also I KNOW your aim is to not make me feel worse. I do not in fact. I admitre your ability to say what you mean w/o coming across as too harsh nor too mushy. EVERYTHING you write I take to heart 100%. I really feel like you understand what it is I am going thru. I feel MORE secure in my convictions here because YOU made it thru your addiction. I AM a very VERY strong woman and if you and others have gotten thru I KNOW without a doubt so can I. SO your truths are HUGE inspiration for me. THANK YOU!
Rule~ Shooting dope was something I did as a teen only it was crank back then. It scared the hell out of me then and I tried IV heroin. Luckily I did NOT enjoy it. I am anxiety ridden anyway so I could not enjoy the high BC I was too worried of OD’ing.
I have been trying to post this much of the day but I have been in and out of the house with all the things that fill up my life. Anyway on a GOOD note, I LOVE my job. I meet the most awesome ppl and they love my bodywork. I just got to work on a QB for a big time FB team…..
I hope everyone is doing good today. Thanks for all the support. I feel truly blessed I have my FAVORITE (& only) CyBER FAMILY to back me… 