Author: cwake18

Posted: Mon Dec 31, 2012 7:16 pm

Thanks for all of the replied guys I really appreciate it.

You’re all right about not getting caught up in the numbers, I really shouldn’t. However, my clinic has only been open for about 3 months and so they’re not used to having patients on high doses yet (besides the handful of us that are over 100 and the guy that’s on 165mg). I kept increasing by about 10-20mg per week until now I’m at 115mg and I still just don’t feel right. Now since I’ve gotten over 90mg the nurse almost gives me this weird look when I ask for an increase because I’m only 21 years old and maybe they think I can’t handle it or something. But even the nurse told me "everyone is different, your dose is between you and the doctor. I have a patient here on 25mg and one on 165mg." I think I just need to keep requesting my increases until I’m truly in the right zone. I had a big habit of very high quality heroin and I was on suboxone for a bit which shot my tolerance up as well. I am not using any drugs at all by the way, not supplementing my methadone dose at all. But something I’ve noticed is that I crave my next day’s methadone dose barely 8 hours after I’ve dosed that day. Today was bad. Within 3 hours of dosing it had completely worn off and I just went to sleep for 5 hours.

It’s depressing. I don’t know if it’s because of my age or what but now that I’m over 100, the nurse and my counselor both are kind of weird about continuing to submit increase requests to the doc for me, but I don’t care. I’ve read on several sites now including this thread that go along with what you’re saying. I agree that the maintenance range these days is around 80-150 for successful patients. I don’t know what the right dose is for me yet, but last time I was on MMT, once I got on the right dose, I didn’t crave and anticipate my next dose as much as I do now. I’m always at the clinic the minute they open, every day. So that’s firming my belief that I’m just not there yet, and I think I need to stand up for myself a bit and just be up front with the dosing nurse that I have to do the COWS sheet and increase form with. "Look, I’m not there yet, and I don’t know when I will be, but I had a huge habit so bear with me."

Like I said, I get NO euphoria. At all. And I have NO side effects from high dosage like itching, nodding, constipation, etc. My COWS sheet always puts me in the "moderate withdrawal" grouping. When I was at 110 and requested for increase and scored into "moderate WD" the doc increased me by 5mg after I had been on 110 for a week. That’s a 4.5% increase, where a 10mg boost to 120 would’ve likely carried me further and been a 9% increase which is much better. I just think it’s silly that the doctor is inconsistent with his increases. When starting he let me go 30-40-50-60-70, then only up 5 to 75…then 75-85-95-100-110, and finally 115. I need to talk to the nurse and share with her some of what you guys have said. Indeed everyone IS different. If I was on too high of a dose, my parents would be calling my counselor asking why I’m nodding out or slurring my words. But none of that happens. I feel UNDER-dosed yet I’m afraid to say because the staff seems weird about increases now that I’m over 100, but screw it. I’m just going to keep asking and hoping that they help me out with 10mg increases instead of wasting my time with 5mg increases as we’re only allowed to increase a max of twice per week, usually on wednesday and saturday. If I switch to disket dosing, they only go up or down on your dose in 10mg increments because the disket pills are only divisible in 10mg segments so the doc would be required to go up by 10 if I request an increase technically. But whatever. Any other advice is greatly appreciated. I felt so off today and like my dose just isn’t serving me right. I dosed 12 hours ago exactly and I got a take home for new year’s day and I’m already obsessed about my next dose in the morning, but I won’t break into that bottle early because I follow the rules.

Thanks again for the input and taking the time to read. This has been frustrating me so much and I just wanna have a normal day where I feel like my dose is serving me good and I can be like the normal people in MMT that hit their target and sit on that dose for 2 years. I want to be THERE.

Thanks again,
-cw