Author: Jennicole525

Posted: Thu Mar 21, 2013 10:16 pm

Hi everyone,

Amy- thanks for joining in. I really appreciate it.

Horsegal- Don’t punish yourself with the tapering! Take it as slow as you can… It’s very hard to taper once the numbers got small IMO. I had an extremely tough time with anything below 2mg. I can totally relate, the list of "to dos" can easily turn into the never ending list of doom. It just seems so challenging! But, as we know as mothers, that is no excuse. You’ve just "got to do it." (Yeaaah! Right!) I wish I could of tapered more, but as far as I’m concerned, after taking as many pills as I did and being on subs for 5+ years, I think that’s as low as I’ve could of gotten. I’ve got to pay the piper somehow. Take it slow and be kind to yourself. It will take you a long way.

Day 38! Holy crap. I cannot believe I have made it so far, but I have! It’s surreal. I no longer want to even think nor discuss wd symptoms. (just go away damn it!) I felt grossed out by myself today and that is a really tough, horrible feeling. I’ve gotten sick of the way I’ve been feeling and laying in bed and threw in the towel. I called my boss and said "set me up for Monday!" and am so ready to be back. I may still feel off , but its at a point where I now need something routinely to do that is in a productive, positive way. I’ve got "withdrawal fever" instead of cabin fever.

Going back to work will be challenging. I am in the medical field and work as a student for flight nurse for life star. (Helicopter). I have to be 1000% ready and mentally, physically prepared to go on the majority of these calls. So hopefully I’m not jumping the gun on the energy level. (Although I am counting on adrenalin to help me out). I am now considering to change my career to be an addiction counselor. (Yes, after alllll these courses I’ve endured, not ONE compares to the power and complicity of addiction, and that’s some real shit).

I really am hoping I’m over that hump. I absolutely think that I’m dealing with paws but that’s okay with me. It’s not fun, but at least I know I’m getting better and the best is yet to come. This all started out with being a passenger in a fatal one car accident in 2004. I’ve got some grief, aggression and some shit to hash out and I think I will show great improvement then. I’ve never been sad or depressed and harped on the situation by any means (quite the opposite, almost cold) but I do believe it plays a part in my self medicating.

All in all, the future holds much steadier hands now, as I’m ready for what it endures. I have to prevail, and I will endure anything to be free. I’ve got my mind set and I have no choice. I believe many of us forget, this is a daily battle, this means life, or death. I choose life… So lets give it a chance to live it.